Tenacity & Quitting

First, a Nova note: She is still with us, hanging in there. We are loving every moment we have with our beautiful puppy girl. Thanks to everyone who has sent kind notes regarding her situation.

Not completely unrelated to managing Nova’s declining health, I often ponder the challenge of striking the right balance between staying tenacious and deciding when to abandon a goal.

Media is rife with stories of people who irrationally hung in there, eventually accomplishing something amazing. JK Rowling, who eventually published the Harry Potter book series, making her wealthier than the Queen of England. Harland Sanders and his tenacious pursuit of growing the Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant chain (he was in his 60s before it was successful). Steve Jobs being forced out of Apple, only to return and save it from the brink of ruin. Unreasonably tenacious sometimes pays off.

And then there are those whose path to their greatest success can be attributed to strategic quitting. Oprah Winfrey had to leave he co-anchor position on WJZ-TV in Baltimore in order for her creativity to conceive of her talk show. Jeff Bezos had to leave a well-paying job to start Amazon. And Reed Hastings (founder of Netflix) had to sell his successful software business before he would land on the initial idea that made Netflix such a success (no late fees).

Of course, the literal polar opposite of Netflix was Blockbuster Video. They were tenacious - irrationally hanging on to their late fee-driven business model, riding it all the way down to bankruptcy. And Kodak, tenaciously insisting it was in the film processing business rather than photography. Jeffrey Katzenberg and Meg Whitman lit almost $2 billion on fire, insisting that their short-format video streaming business, Quibi, would be successful before finally pulling the plug. Plenty of people ride their tenaciousness all the way to ruin.

And sometimes we quit too soon. Ronald Wayne had a 10% stake in Apple computer, but got cold feet just 12 days into the venture and cashed out his $800 - which would be worth more than $100 billion today. There was a time in the late 1970s when Ross Perot had an opportunity to purchase Microsoft for something like $6 - $15 million, but decided it was was too rich for his blood, and walked away from hundreds of billions of dollars.

This is all to say that there are examples of tenaciousness paying off, and tenaciousness leading to ruin. Strategic quitting has unlocked major successes, and rendered some people an object lesson in poor decision-making.

Maybe there is no rhyme or reason. Maybe it mostly boils down to luck. I’d like to think these are some decent rules for striking a balance between Hanging In There and Bailing:

• Do your best to clearly define what success and failure looks like for any given project.

• Reflect often - take the time to really review how the project is going. Don’t get caught on the treadmill of doing, doing, doing such that you stop thinking.

• Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Just because resources have been spent does not mean you obligated to keep spending your way to ruin.

• Opportunity Costs are real, too. What else could you be spending your precious time and other resources on if you shut down the current project?

Signs you should hang in there a while longer:

• You are seeing incremental progress, but its slower than you expected.

• The underlying reasons for pursuing the goal remain valid.

• You haven’t yet implemented your full strategy (give it a chance).

• The obstacles you face are related to execution, not fundamental flaws in your thesis.

Signs it may be time to quit:

• Despite genuine effort, very little progress has been made.

• The landscape has changed that makes your goal less valuable.

• You’ve discovered a (previously unknown) superior alternative that renders your goal moot.

• Continuing would require sacrificing core values or well-being.

There is no path through life that doesn’t continue a few “what ifs.” It’s hard to know when to re-commit to something, versus choosing an entirely new direction. The easiest person to fool is often ourselves - cultivating objectiveness and sometimes brutal honesty with yourself will help you make the tough call.

Sunday Supper

These Potato-Cheese Pierogies w/ Bacon look fun and delicious. Get a jump on Cinco de Mayo with these Chicken Fajitas, or this Mexican Chopped Salad with Cumin Vinaigrette.

Sunday Music

This recent performance by Madison McFerrin at the NPR Tiny Desk is fun - exploratory in ways that make sense when you realize that she is the daughter of Mr. Bobby McFerrin. And here’s a jam from Goose, from last December. Enjoy!

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Peace & Love,

A Week In The Life

I was not firing on all cylinders this past week. Monday morning I had some minor oral surgery. Afterwards, my mouth felt like I had been forced to eat an entire box of Cap’n Crunch cereal without milk in five minutes or less, followed immediately by eating the hottest slice of cheese pizza imaginable. Thankfully, my mouth feels better today.

Our dog Nova’s decline continues, and it has started to disrupt my sleep. Friday morning, worried that the veterinarian would not be available to us should we need them over the weekend, I made an appointment to have them lay eyes on my girl before the end of the day. I didn’t think we would need to say goodbye right then and there, but I needed their experienced opinion to reassure me that she would make it through another weekend.

When it comes to knowing when the right time is to let them go, my years of living with pets can be distilled into one sentence: “A day early is better than a day late.” So I’m being vigilant. I’ll be surprised if she is still with us this time next week. This sucks, but it has been a joy to have her in our lives, and I know that she has had the best life possible. This is an obligation from which I would never shy away. We’re doing things right.

I spent a few hours in the Denison Biological Reserve Saturday, walking the trails and having some thoughtful conversations with a few good men. The morning started off cool and breezy, warming up by 2pm when we all went our separate ways. All the walking, sun and fresh air made it easy to catch a much-needed nap when I returned home.

Despite my sadness, my lack of rest, my fuzzy mind state, I know what I need to focus on, work-wise in the days ahead. This clarity is reassuring. I may not accomplish as much as I would in a “normal” week, but I will work with focus, accepting the fact that the week will not be normal.

Regular readers of my essays will know that I like to reflect on each week, trying to discern some central theme and drilling into it a bit. Lately the themes have circled around grief and mortality. I feel like I have reached my current limit in examining them, and apologize for their repeated appearance. But Nova has been the star of the show this week.

I was tempted to skip the weekly writing ritual. Nobody wants to hear more of this sad shit from me. But a deadline is a deadline. I believe in showing up, even when I don’t have much in the tank. So here it is. See you next week.

Sunday Supper

My sore mouth was soothed by this soft, smooth Spring Risotto this past week. This Apple and Fennel Salad looks good. And this Thai Hot-and-Sour Coconut Chicken Soup looks distinctive and soothing.

Sunday Music

This morning vinyl/dub set is a good way to ease into this Sunday morning. This cover of Prince’s How Come U Don't Call Me Anymore is so well done. So too is this cover of the Goo Goo Dolls song, Iris. Enjoy!

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Peace & Love,

Born Again (And Again)

Yesterday I mowed the lawn for the first time this year. The smell of fresh-cut grass a guarantee that Spring is here.

As my Christian friends commemorate the resurrection of Jesus today, I find myself thinking about the many times my life has been renewed over the years.

There was the time when, in grade school, I first stood up to a bully. Or when I first performed on stage. All of life’s early rites of passage: romantic relationships and friendships that run their course. Absorbing lots of knowledge during college, then realizing how much more I still had to learn. Marriage, parenthood, and now empty-nesterhood. Entrepreneurship. They all turned me into a fundamentally different version of myself.

One of the central lessons of my life is the lesson of impermanence. On some time scale, everything here on Earth comes to an end. Anything that is truly eternal is mostly beyond my comprehension, and I am comfortable with this.

Every night we fall asleep, and awake renewed. Every Fall the leaves drop from the trees, Winter sets in, then eventually the trees bud again. The spring peepers herald yet another year of renewal. Our friends and loved ones drop like leaves, each on their own unique schedule.

After a few decades, we begin to notice patterns. And we begin to recognize that we can intentionally revise and renew ourselves. We can seek out specific transformational experiences. We can take on specific challenges that we know will require something new of us. We stop chasing shallow, meaningless things and focus on the most important. This heightens our engagement with life, making every day special, and too brief.

I know that not everyone experiences the full spectrum of the progression I describe. I’m sure that other people might look at my timeline and think “Wow, he really missed out on some good lessons.”

One of the coolest things about this current point in time for me is talking with my adult children, getting a sense of how they are navigating their lives. I try to mostly be a sounding board, asking open-ended questions. Posing “what if” thought experiments. Helping them examine important decisions from as many angles as possible, and expressing confidence in their ability to make the choice that is right for them.

I’ve come to believe that one of the tallest tasks for all of us is to simply develop our self awareness. The more we know about ourselves, what lights us up (and why), the easier it is to make the right decisions for ourselves. If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there. It takes time to figure out what roads we should be traveling.

Early in my life, I think I tended to follow the path of least resistance, and was pretty random in terms of trying different things. Pruning out pathways after finding those that were not right for me. It’s the rare 18-year old that knows exactly what they want to do with their life, and runs straight at it. We tend to bounce around a bit, before settling into something that works for us.

We all start somewhere, and hopefully advance in a positive direction from there. I am immensely grateful for the position I find myself in today - and for the fact that tomorrow can be even better.

Sunday Supper

We’re going to enjoy this Chicken Shawarma on salad greens today, and these Horseradish Deviled Eggs. These Chocolate Easter Egg Nests look like a fun holiday treat.

Sunday Music

Imagine driving through Eau Claire Wisconsin, listening to this interview of Justin Vernon by Krista Tippet and learning that he grew up in Eau Claire. That happened to me this past week. So I had to feature him here - this live performance for NPR is wonderful. This performance by Hania Rani is lovely as well. Enjoy!

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Peace & Love,

Master’s Sunday

The trees have shed many branches over the winter. So I need to spend an hour or two picking up the sticks before I can begin to mow the lush green grass in the yard. The dead ornamental grass needs to be cut and composted, in order for the spring daffodils to flourish. There are any number of work-related things I could/should be doing today. I will do none of them. Instead, the sport of golf will get most of my energy today.

Today in Augusta, Georgia, Rory McIlroy and Bryson DeChambeau will play in the final group of the final round of The Masters tournament, each vying for their first green jacket. If McIlroy wins, he will complete the “career Grand Slam,” winning each of golf’s four major tournaments at least one time. He would be just the sixth person to ever accomplish this feat. Bryson has won just one major tournament thus far in his career - last year’s U.S. Open, but he did so by overtaking McIlroy on the final hole of the 72-hole tournament, accomplishing a miraculous up-and-down from a sand bunker 80 yards from the pin.

I am often ambivalent about being a spectator of high-level athletic competitions, preferring to be active in my own chosen arena(s) rather than passively sitting on the sidelines, rooting for others. But this year the stars have lined up and I’m all-in on seeing how the tournament plays out today.

The key aspect of competitive golf is the zen-like mental challenge it poses. The amount of present-moment awareness one needs in order to perfectly execute a given golf shot is enormous. And then there is the paradox of maintaining a sense of non-attachment to the outcome of any given shot. Converting the strong desire for the ball to go into the hole into a focus on executing exactly the intended stroke, regardless of outcome, is the essential challenge of the game.

Effortless effort, trying not to try…just letting events unfold while contributing to them with your highest and best intention. Balancing this with one’s competitive urges, with one’s desires for recognition - this is what golf fans everywhere will be tuning in to watch today. How do these guys perform with so much at stake?

I have a 1:40pm tee time today to play a round with friends. This should wrap up in time for us to see the final groups play the last few holes of the tournament. A perfect balance between my fascination with today’s drama in Augusta, and my desire to actually be in the arena. My friends in North Carolina and Texas have been playing plenty of golf already this year. But in Ohio, today is Opening Day.

Sunday Supper

I’m popping a big roaster full of this Barbacoa recipe in the oven before heading to the golf course this afternoon. This Asparagus Quiche is a perfect Spring dish. These Cheesy Cuban Chicken Taquitos look fun. For a sweet finish, how about these Lemon Sugar Cookie Ice Cream Sandwiches?

Sunday Music

This Sunday Morning Playlist from Seiju is a nice way to start this day. This performance by Nubya Garcia at the NPR Tiny Desk is also fantastic. Enjoy!

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Peace & Love,

Ohana

This week I had the good fortune to attend Entrepreneur Organization’s Global Leadership Conference in Honolulu, Hawaii. Without fail, surrounding myself with the energy, intellect and excellence of hundreds of entrepreneurs revs me up like nothing else. It has been quite a while since I’ve attended a global EO event, so the energy here felt especially fresh and vibrant.

The theme of the conference was Ohana, a Hawaiian term signifying family, but in a broader sense. Beyond blood relatives, Ohana includes our closest friends, adopted family, and other close-knit communities to which we belong. In the opening session, a Hawaiian elder explained that Ohana also includes those family members who are no longer with us. He used the phrase “The past is in front of us, and the future is behind us.” This sounds confusing to the uninitiated, but it makes sense when you think that our parents who have passed away have given us a glimpse of our own future, and as we approach the end of our lives, those of us with children know that our children will carry a piece of us into the future. I appreciate the expansiveness of the concept.

As I prepare to lead EO Columbus’ membership recruitment efforts starting July 1st, I will be working to grow Central Ohio’s entrepreneurial community with this same expansive mindset.

One of the many benefits of being an EO member is the access the organization offers to world-class thought leaders. This week included keynote speeches and chats with Guy Kawasaki, Brad Montague, Deepak Chopra, Ryan Holiday and Marcus Lemonis. Each offered valuable insights, and made me so grateful to be a part of this community and able to work with so many amazing people to grow and strengthen it further.

Children’s author and creator of the amazing YouTube video series, Kid President - Brad Montague was for me the surprise hit of the conference. His creativity and passion are contagious. Talking about how entrepreneurs love to sink their teeth into “probertunities,” and his recognition that failure is a part of the process of growth with his Fail-A-Bration initiative were both funny and memorable. He reminded us that the two stories leaders must always be sharing are: 1) This is who we are, and 2) This is where we’re going.

Montague pointed out that using data helps us promote knowledge, but that good stories promote belief.

Lastly, he offered four rules for being a Time Scout (you must attend one of Montague’s Future Camp workshops to to learn what a Time Scout is). These rules apply to your average run-of-the-mill leaders too:

1) You cannot change the past.

2) We are custodians of NOW.

3) Time is to be experienced, not conquered. Enjoy it.

4) Clean up after yourself.

As business educator Peter Drucker once said, “The best way to predict the future is to create it.” Go visit the future, Time Scouts, then come back to the present and get to work.

Sunday Supper

This Green Goddess Roasted Chicken looks amazing. I look forward to trying this Vietnamese Shrimp and Quinoa Salad recipe in the week ahead.

Sunday Music

Here’s some wonderful Hawaiian steel guitar music to soothe your Sunday. Enjoy!

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Peace & Love,

Community Table

We had our first bona fide dinner party in a long, long time last night. Lori and I, plus three other couples. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and it was so true in this case.

The conversations were special. We’ve been apart long enough to see just how different we are today from the last time we gathered together. Obviously, a little older, a little more gray in our hair. But grounded in something closer to base level truth. We’ve all wrestled with health issues (our own and/or loved ones), gone on adventures, with more planned in the months ahead. We’ve gotten more hip to the various ways people numb themselves here in the U S of A.

I had hoped to make the Bolognese Lasagna Rolls featured in last week’s essay for last night’s gathering. The recipe was elaborate enough that I felt I should make a test run last week to ensure that I could pull it off. The test went reasonably well, but it took a lot of time - more than I had available at the end of this week for a kitchen project. So I ordered a pan of lasagna from Vincenzo’s, and it was delicious. Making this choice is a sign of personal growth, believe it or not. The money/time/taste trade was completely worth it in this case. The point of the evening was the people, not to showcase my culinary skills.

Saving my energy for our guests, rather than spending it all in a mad dash of cooking, was the exact right approach. Speaking of energy, I did not partake in any alcohol consumption last night. So I woke this morning well-rested. I would characterize my relationship with alcohol as “default dry” - preferring to not drink generally, but allowing for the occasional exception.

Last night felt like a “moment” - the moment when we were able to re-join the broader community in some fundamental way. I’m looking forward to experiencing more of this kind of reunion in the weeks and months ahead.

Sunday Supper

This Burgoo looks like a great Sunday meal to prep, that could carry you into the week with some sturdy leftovers. This Cornbread recipe would pair wonderfully with it. This Blackened Salmon Caesar Salad sounds great, too.

Sunday Music

This Sunday I share with you a live performance by one of America’s under-appreciated singer/songwriters, Mr. John Hiatt. Enjoy!

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Peace & Love,

Open & Shut

Recently in one of my social media feeds, I saw The Atlantic promoting a recent article by Boris Kachka titled The Danger of a Too-Open Mind. The premise of the title captured me. The more common observation is when someone is too closed-minded. To flip this and ask the question “What does it mean to be too open-minded?” Is a great thought experiment. I have not yet read the article, but intend to. In the meantime, I will engage with the thought experiment here.

Closed-mindedness is the more thoroughly documented end of the spectrum. It includes the person who refuses to sample new cuisine, the person who limits their information diet to just a few narrow media outlets, and the patient who rejects their doctor’s counsel because it conflicts with something they read online. On the extremely open-minded end of the spectrum, we find people who believe that the Earth is flat, that 9/11 was an inside job, and that vaccines don’t work.

So what is the optimal stance for a civic-minded person to maintain in the face of our human tendency to rationalize things or suffer confirmation bias, when the digital world is flooded with misinformation explicitly designed to confuse us? How do we know when it is appropriate to change our minds?

Finding the right balance between being too closed-minded and too open-minded involves developing a thoughtful approach to evaluating new ideas. Here are some strategies:

Practice evidence-based thinking: Be willing to consider new perspectives, but require reasonable proof before fully accepting them.

Develop healthy skepticism: Question claims while remaining genuinely open to being convinced. This differs from cynicism (assuming everything is false) and gullibility (accepting everything as true).

Recognize your biases: We all have cognitive biases that influence our thinking. Being aware of these tendencies helps you compensate for them when evaluating information.

Seek diverse perspectives: Intentionally expose yourself to viewpoints that differ from your own, particularly from credible sources with different backgrounds or expertise.

Apply proportional confidence: Match your level of certainty to the quantity and quality of available evidence.

Establish evaluation criteria: Before considering a new idea or approach, determine what would need to be true for it to be valid.

Practice intellectual humility: Acknowledge the limits of your knowledge and expertise. Be willing to say "I don't know" and to change your mind when warranted.

Consider practical consequences: Evaluate both the potential benefits and risks of accepting new ideas, especially before making significant changes based on them.

Give ideas appropriate time: Some concepts need sufficient testing before you can fairly evaluate them, while others may deserve prompt rejection if they lack basic plausibility.

Focus on learning, not winning: Approach disagreements as opportunities to deepen understanding rather than competitions to be won.

Our goal shouldn't be perfect neutrality but rather a mindful approach that's receptive to valuable new ideas while maintaining critical standards for what you ultimately accept.

Our minds should be neither fully open, nor fully closed. They should always be a ajar - narrowed enough to spare us the time and energy required to examine the most outlandish things, but open enough to let through real breakthroughs in our understanding of what is true about the world.

Sunday Supper

These Bolognese Lasagna Rosettes look amazing, though very labor-intensive. This salad would be a good complement to the pasta dish. And Cereal Milk Panna Cotta for a fantastic finish.

Sunday Music

This Sunday morning, please enjoy this Cozy Pancakes Brunch Bar Jazz mix as you figure out just how far you need to open (or close) your mind for optimal discernment of reality. This performance by Aretha Franklin of the American classic (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman at the 2015 celebration of Carole King’s contribution to the arts at the Kennedy Center gets me every time. Enjoy!

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Peace & Love,

Last Of His Kind

“Dad passing today, will report later.” - a concise, jarring message to get from Lori just before I was to jump on a ZOOM meeting Wednesday morning. Her dad’s health has been in steady decline for the better part of the past year. We knew he wasn’t far from the finish line, but as my friend Peter says, living gets to be quite a habit. In my experience no matter how much it may make rational sense, the finality of a loved one taking their last breath really packs a punch. And so it did with Jack.

Born in Strasburg, Ohio 1930, Jack Fuhrer enlisted in the Air Force during the Korean War. Color blindness prevented him from becoming an Air Force pilot. Instead he became a two-way radio technician and spent his service years in Japan. Upon returning to Ohio, Jack spent much of his life farming. Like my dad, Jack could fix anything - an essential skill for keeping farm equipment running.

In his 30s, Jack broke some things that could not be completely fixed - his ankles. He fell off the roof of a house he was working on, landing awkwardly on some construction debris. A tough injury, but Jack was tougher. His ankles were effectively if not literally fused, making them far less mobile than normal. Once he healed up to the point of “good enough,” Jack just got on with things. I never heard him complain about it, ever. The injury left him with poor blood flow in his feet, which made it really hard to heal even the lightest abrasions he might get on his feet.

His mechanical acumen and love of aviation meant that he would become an avid private pilot. He built (and rebuilt) multiple aircraft, and owned many others over the years. He spread this love of flying to his son Herb, and grandson Josh (who is now a commercial pilot). I forget the age at which no insurance company would sell him Pilot Insurance (somewhere in his 80s, I think) - at that point he simply purchased a different class of aircraft (experimental) that required no such insurance. Just as with his ankle issues, Jack just kept going.

He wasn’t as talkative as some people - but when he had something to say, it was usually pretty memorable. Hmmm…an obstinate contrarian with a razor-sharp wit…I’m trying to think if that reminds me of anyone…it’ll come to me.

While only some of his kids took up his passion for flying, they all received a healthy dose of his stubbornness. As Jack’s needs for support increased these last few years, Lori and her brothers simply increased their support of him. The goal was to allow him to die at home, and they came very close to achieving this. Despite their heroic efforts, it was in Jack’s best interests to spend some time in a long-term care facility - but only a few weeks.

Jack is the last grandparent to leave us. My dad passed in 2008 - too soon to be memorialized in this weekly essay. Next came my mom in 2021, then Lori’s mom in 2023. From the time of my mom’s cancer diagnosis in 2020 until this week, a consistent, significant amount of our weekly energy has been devoted to supporting our parents as their lives wound down. Knowing that this gauntlet has come to an end carries extra weight. We have immense gratitude for being able to do what we have done, and very real relief that it is no longer required.

It’s time to rest a bit, regroup - and then get right back at it. Life is for the living. Jack Fuhrer sure wrung out every drop of living that he could. We’ll do the same.

Sunday Supper

Tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day. So Corned Beef Hash makes sense. And these Potato Pancakes seem comforting. I must admit, I got a Shamrock Shake at McDonald’s this week - this version is better, especially if you use Jeni’s ice cream, Snowville Whole Milk and ditch the food coloring. Lastly, I made this Beet Salad last week, and loved it. If you love beets, you will too.

Sunday Music

This song by Jason Isbell makes me think of Jack. Willie Nelson is just three years younger than Jack - here is Willie singing You Were Always On My Mind just last year. To wrap up, here’s Gregory Alan Isakov performing live on KEXP about one year ago. Enjoy!

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Have a great week ahead!  Offer support to others.  Make good use of this day.  And let me know how I can help.


Peace & Love,

Tied For First Place

At Nova’s annual check-up about two weeks ago, Dr. Wagner noticed a lump high on her snout, skewing right-of-center not far from her eye. As soon as he pointed it out, it was obvious, but up until that point I had not noticed it at all. Something about her brindle coat made it invisible, I guess. We agreed that I would monitor it and update him in two weeks. It only took one before I felt compelled to call him. She’d been sneezing a fair amount, and once produced a big goober with some blood in it. That was a enough for us to schedule an X-ray and a needle biopsy to start diagnosing what we were observing.

The word came last Tuesday that it is likely a sarcoma, and that more imaging (a CT-scan this time) would be required to understand in detail where this mass is positioned in her head, and whether it is in the bone of her skull. From there a treatment plan that would likely include surgery, radiation, and perhaps chemotherapy can be drafted. (FYI - Everything Dr. Wagner told me was reaffirmed by the Claude AI when I entered a few queries into it immediately after speaking with him. Claude estimates the cost of the treatment plan between $7,000 - $20,000.)

Having lost both of my parents to cancer, this situation feels very familiar. I’m going to meet with the doctors at the fancy corporate veterinary outfit (rhymes with “Red Bet”), but am wary of the expense of the treatment, and how much discomfort it might impose on this creature that I love so much. I can see how easy it would be to pull out all of the stops to fight the disease, so my inner contrarian kicks in to offset this urge. And my mental map has already been programmed to think that if cancer gets the drop on you, your goose is already cooked. But I want to learn a bit more before deciding on the path forward.

At it’s root, this situation is testing my theories for how I would manage my own cancer diagnosis, should I ever receive one. Under certain circumstances, I would like to think that I would have the grace to just let nature take its course. My puppy girl is 9 years old - at best having 5-6 years left in the absence of the cancer. I think the oldest dog we’ve ever had died at 12 or 13 years of age.

This situation is also testing my ability to accept things that are beyond my control, focusing instead on things I can actually impact with my efforts.

When I sweet talk her, I often tell Nova that she’s my Best Girl - but I always add the caveat “You’re tied for first place.” I have loved each of my dogs so much that it feels like a disservice to place my current dog higher in the pecking order than the ones that came before. To the extent that Nova is any better than Ella, Coltrane or Margot, it’s only because the earlier dogs trained me to be a better owner.

Nova is still 100% herself, and in no discomfort. We’ll learn more in the days ahead, and enjoy every day to the fullest. I’ll be keeping a close eye on this turtle sundae-mottled glamour queen and snuggling with her hard on the couch every night.

Sunday Supper

With one of our man-children home for Spring Break this week, I intend to make this Pasta e Fagioli to keep us all fed (I’m going to cook some tortellini separately, folding it into the bean soup for those of us who can eat gluten). This Gochugaru Salmon with Crispy Rice also looks amazing.

Sunday Music

This performance by Saya Gray at the NPR Tiny Desk is fun. Alfa Mist delivers almost an hour of their fun grooves here. Enjoy!

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Have a great week ahead!  Offer support to others.  Make good use of this day.  And let me know how I can help.


Peace & Love,

Systems Thinking

I read a really good book this week and I want to share some thoughts about it. It is an easy read, so if this brief overview resonates I highly recommend read it in its entirety. It is called The Power of Systems: How To Create A Life That Works, and it is co-authored by Steve Chandler & Trevor Timbeck. This book was the most succinct, efficient takedown of what I call my “negative inner critic” than I could have ever dreamed of. After reading the last page, I thought “Well, now you can stop beating yourself up, Neal, and just focus on revising the systems in your life that aren’t working.” I may need to re-read the book from time-to-time to reinforce things, but it’s possible that the lesson will stick without such reinforcement. It’s just that simple and straightforward.

It’s premise is that the achieving the outcomes that we seek need not be a function of personal willpower. For example, consider the following three systems for achieving the outcome of exercising at the gym five times a week:

System 1: Wake up each morning, see how I feel, look at my calendar and then decide when to go to the gym.

System 2: Create a spreadsheet to track the number of days each week I make it to the gym. Block out five gym sessions on my calendar over the next week. Every Sunday, enter the number of workouts into the spreadsheet and schedule five more workouts for the following week.

System 3: Looking out two weeks into the future, for each and every day block out two times to work out at the gym, labeling them “Gym Plan A” and “Gym Plan B.” When you wake up each day, commit to at least one of those workout times and attend. On days when you have achieved your weekly goal of five workouts, you can delete both the A and B options if you feel like your body needs a rest day.

Three different approaches to achieving the same outcome. Depending on the person who is implementing the system, one of them will prove to be more effective than the others. And think of how many other approaches exist - lots of options for finding the best approach for any individual.

So, whatever your goals (exercise, work stuff, cleaning/organizing the house, whatever) - stop beating yourself up about your lack of resolve or lack of willpower and examine the current system that is not working. Try something new.

What if you gave yourself grace, choosing to not be self-critical, not dwelling on the past things that haven’t been working? What if you came up with a new plan, an intentional plan, and gave it a whirl?

This approach to living fits nicely with the concepts in James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits. The talk that Clear gave at the Bryn Du Mansion last Fall continues to resonate for me. His basic message is: “Make it as easy as possible to do the things that need done to create the future you desire.” That sounds like a system to me.

Don’t dwell on the psychology of why you didn’t do the thing that you know you want to do! Simply reconfigure your system of doing into something that works. If you think this is some cute workaround, who cares - so long as it works? Perhaps revising a personal system is simply a way of renewing our vows to the goal we still desire. Renew that vow, and get after it.

Sunday Supper

Mardi Gras is this Tuesday. Throw a few strands of beads around your neck and make yourself a nice bowl of Gumbo, or Red Beans & Rice. I’m a sucker for Fattoush, too.

Sunday Music

Here’s Jason Isbell performing a new song from his recently-released solo acoustic album, Foxes In The Snow. And here is ninety minutes of Jazzy Jane playing the songs of Bill Evans. This time of year I always think of his song, You Must Believe In Spring. Enjoy!

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Peace & Love,

Catalysts & Callings

What prompts us to change? Sometimes life delivers a swift kick that leaves us no choice. Other times, change whispers to us so quietly we almost miss it.

Let’s call the “swift kick” version of change a Catalytic Moment. A wildfire burns down your house. Your spouse moves out and files for divorce. You suffer a heart attack. In this type of scenario, the outside catalyst imposes itself on you, and then you have to deal with it (sometimes rather quickly). When catalytic change occurs, you can mark your life in terms of before and after the big event.

The quieter type of change - the one that you can miss if you’re not paying attention, is sometimes referred to as “Finding your calling.” In this scenario, you discover some insight about yourself and/or the world around you, landing you on a “big idea” that feels like it came out of nowhere, and could be really cool. People are called to religious missionary work. People are called to make the world more just, or fair. Some people are called to reduce the suffering of animals, or to preserve some endangered species. Whatever it is, the calling literally attracts you toward it.

Catalytic change is like a lightning bolt - it strikes with a lot of energy, and this energy transfers to you in some way. Sometimes it truly triggers one’s survival instinct. At a minimum, it shakes you out of whatever has traditionally felt “normal” and forces you to reexamine your base level assumptions, often taking quick action.

Callings are more subtle - like a tiny flame, fueled by just a bit of kindling and in need of protection. Shelter it from the wind, and continue to feed it larger and larger pieces of fuel. The energy behind the calling-directed change builds more slowly. During this ramp-up period, the world around us doesn’t yet know or acknowledge the epiphany that has occurred within you. You have to work on it in isolation before the world can see it.

So, catalytic change often provides us with the initial energy required to overcome the inertia of being at a standstill. Catalytic change gets us off of our ass. A calling is more like a magnet - attracting you to start walking a long path, but with a weaker overall force.

These two types of change are not mutually exclusive. The heart attack may spark a resolute commitment to healthy eating and exercise, culminating in significant weight loss and increased fitness. Then the calling can sneak in behind, motivating you to become mission-driven around helping others to reclaim their own health for the rest of your life.

I tend to prefer the idea of being calling-directed. I don’t like the idea of being pushed around by the universe. I like the version of change where we all have a high degree of agency, and self-awareness, and are working for something (rather than reacting in response to something).

I think the world would be a better place if more of us were operating in a calling-directed way. Call me a romantic. To quote the great cartoonist Bill Watterson: “To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.”

Maybe sometimes we need to get kicked in the teeth…who knows? Perhaps we should ask the Zen Farmer.

Sunday Supper

I made this Ham & Bean soup this past week, and it really hit the spot. I paired it with this cornbread recipe, with one modification: I preheated the cast iron skillet, then melted all the butter in the hot pan, pouring the cornbread batter right into the pan on the hot oil. This ensures a crispy crust, which I really like. This Crunch Salad looks great, too.

Sunday Music

This concert on KEXP by Noga Erez is a new discovery for me. This performance by Leon Thomas at the NPR Tiny Desk is also really groovy. Enjoy!

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Peace & Love,

Live From New York

Tonight at 8pm, NBC celebrates the 50th anniversary of Saturday Night Live. The show has heavily influenced my development. I was six years old when it debuted on October 11th, 1975. By the time I was in middle school, I wore the arrow-through-the-head gag while simultaneously mowing the grass and listening to Steve Martin’s comedy album Let’s Get Small - while reciting Martin’s act from memory, imitating every facet of his delivery.

In 1983 or thereabouts, my cousin Myra took me and the Secrest twins to see Eddie Murphy perform on his Delirious tour at Veteran’s Memorial Hall. I still remember the view from the rafters, Murphy stalking the stage in his all red leather outfit, telling us jokes we had heard numerous times before, and us cackling at every punchline.

I don’t think it goes too far to say that SNL shaped who I’ve become. I instinctively look for the humor in every situation, no matter how dark. I’ve learned to be careful about verbalizing some of these cerebral lightning bolts, but they happen all the time, even today. This is not to say that I consider myself especially funny, just that I care a lot about what actually is funny. What makes people laugh, and why.

This past week Maureen Dowd wrote an excellent piece on Lorne Michaels, the show’s creator and producer for all but three years of its 50-year lifespan. He is perhaps the ultimate curator of American culture. Ackroyd, Belushi, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Eddie Murphy, Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, Gilda Radner, Norm McDonald, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Bill Hader, Chris Farley, Kate McKinnon…and so many other names unlisted that have made us all aggressively laugh, numerous times. Michaels chose them all, and has developed a proven ritual for creating funny sketches, week in and week out, regardless of who may be hosting. If you could only pick one program to represent the American zeitgeist, SNL may be the best choice.

So, I’m going to geek out tonight and revel in the celebration. Five freaking decades of live comedy television. Unbelievable.

Sunday Supper

Lori and I made Scallops on Roasted Tomato Chickpeas this week, and loved it. And who doesn’t love Pad Thai? This Sweet Potato Bacon Salad with Warm Cider Dressing looks great (though I would add some roasted chicken thighs for extra protein).

Sunday Music

Sometimes we get a fever, and the only cure is more cowbell. This concert by Hermanos Gutiérrez on KEXP is wonderful. This concert by Max Richter at the NPR Tiny Desk kind of matches the grey, wet, cold day ahead. Enjoy!

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Peace & Love,

Lucky Valentine

She’s not going to see this coming. This week I’m taking some time to bask in the Glory of Lori.

We were set up on a blind date. Our friends Doug & Cookie were our bosses before becoming lifelong friends, each owning their own business. They had a habit of co-locating their businesses next to each other, so the two crews had enjoyed many Friday happy hours over the years with each other. Lori had left Cookie’s employment to attend law school, but someone I worked with knew her and put us together. This was the first stroke of good luck - our overlapping social networks.

We hit it off right away. We talked a lot about food, and farming. I was in grad school, doing an independent study of a marketing idea I had - a delivery service for all of the merchants at the North Market. My thesis was that all of those workers in downtown Columbus would love it if they could order the great products offered by the North Market’s merchants and have them delivered to their offices before heading back home in the suburbs. In short, I was thinking some of the same things that Jeff Bezos was thinking, around the same time. He had a better plan, and has executed it well…but I got the girl. We ate at the Galaxy Cafe in Powell, one of my all-time favorite “joints.” Not fancy, but much care was taken in the sourcing of ingredients and the preparation of meals.

After meeting my best friend Peter for the first time, he offered me a 3-word directive: “Don’t blow it.” Somehow I pulled it off. We were married in 1997. Our firstborn arrived in 2000. So we had a few years before we came parents. It’s been about two years since we’ve felt like “empty-nesters.” Nearly perfect symmetry. Just the two of us, then four, now back to two. And we genuinely like each other. We kind of marvel at it.

How many people get to this point and no longer recognize their spouse? How many have been biding their time before parting ways, “for the kids?” On this side of things, I see how easily that could have been us. Too much stress of a particular type, at just the wrong time…sometimes circumstances exceed our capacity. But if you can run enough gauntlets without breaking, strengthening the bond through shared crucibles that galvanize rather than disintegrate…then you’ve really got something. Undoubtedly there are more challenges ahead, but we know what we have in each other, and will take them on.

We’ve come this far and are in pretty good shape. The road ahead looks pretty sweet. Let’s ride, baby.

Sunday Supper

Well, it is Super Bowl Sunday. I raided the Copia Farms freezer for some chicken wings, which I’m going to prepare this way. If I can spare the time, my intention is to make homemade pizza Hot Pockets using this Rough Pastry Dough and a filling of Mid’s Pizza Sauce, Italian sausage, Green Pepper and Mozzarella. This Slow Cooker Mongolian Beef is part of the meal prep plan for the week ahead as well.

Sunday Music

Pat Metheny & Charlie Haden playing their duet Waltz for Ruth is never a bad thing. This rendition of Funny Valentine by Rachelle Ferrell is wonderful. John Prine & Iris DeMent singing In Spite of Ourselves. How about a nice mix of Sade to round things out this week? Enjoy!

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Peace & Love,

Decisions & Outcomes

I am increasingly convinced that people really do not want to cook. Yesterday I had two experiences that support this. The first was a simple one - I was running some errands with a friend, and they wanted to snag from French fries from Arby’s. Easy enough to order, but the wait for the food stress tested the notion of “fast food.” Yet there were plenty of cars lined up for this experience. A little later in the day, I myself was looking to have some lunch. I’ve never been to Warrio’s Beef & Pork, but have heard great things about them. So I swung by, peeked in the door, and the line snaked throughout the interior so much…I didn’t have the time to spare to wait in that queue, and luckily Katalina’s down the street was less slammed. I understand queuing up for something great (and I suspect Warrio’s is great), but for Arby’s? I’m ready to blame cell phones for this. Stuck in a line? No problem, just check social media or work on today’s crossword puzzle. We blame our phones for so much, why not this too?

I swear I’m not relying solely on Tim Ferriss’ podcast for inspiration, but for two weeks running now, his thought-provoking interviews have inspired me. This week he spoke with Seth Godin, another person whose perspective I highly value. This interview was so rich I feel compelled to re-listen to it later today.

A portion of their conversation was dedicated to the concept that decisions and their outcomes do not always line up, in terms of their quality. Good decisions do not always yield good outcomes, and vice-versa.

For example, consider Kodak’s decision to slow-roll their own invention of digital photography. Their film production and processing business was so massive and lucrative at the time, it seemed insane to cannibalize it too quickly. What they failed to appreciate was just how quickly competitors would emerge to grow this new category, effectively closing Kodak out of the new game while driving the legacy business to near-zero. Reasonably good decision, but bad outcome.

On the flip side, consider any person who wins the lottery. As decisions go, buying a lottery ticket can only be viewed favorably by hanging a high value on the hopes and dreams that may be spawned by such a purchase. In terms of pure math, the net present value of a lottery tickets is always far less than the ticket price. Paying $2 or $5 for something that is worth close to $0 is always a bad decision - regardless of the fact that people win lottery prizes every week.

So how does one stay focused on improving the quality of their decisions, and avoid getting too hung up on any given outcome when evaluating their decision-making ability?

Journaling can be a valuable way to memorialize our rationale for making important decisions. Therefore, we can review this rationale post-facto to see what we may have missed (as well as what we got right).

Developing a formal checklist or framework for different types of decisions can be helpful. Things like listing key assumptions, calculating expected value, and forcing ourselves to consider multiple scenarios can ensure a certain amount of rigor behind our decisions.

Reviewing other people’s big decisions can be informative as well. For well-documented decisions (and their supporting rationale), we can assess decisions made by others pretty rigorously, which we can then learn from and inform our own future efforts.

We can and should regularly evaluate our decision-making ability. We should also not allow a few bad outcomes here and there to doubt ourselves.

Sunday Supper

I’ve lived in the Buckeye State my entire life, and I’ve never heard of the Sloppy Bird sandwich. Yet I am intrigued by the prospect of a “Chicken pot pie on a bun…”. This Cabbage Roll Soup seems straightforward and satisfying on a cold February night. These Salmon Burgers also caught my eye…having missed out on Warrio’s yesterday, maybe I’m just looking for an excuse to eat a good sandwich…

Sunday Music

Lori and I snuck over to Pittsburgh last Sunday see Martin Sexton perform many of the songs from The Beatles’ Abbey Road album, as well as some of his own songs. This performance of “Oh! Darling” is from this current tour. In addition to seeing Martin perform, we also came across the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile in the pre-dawn hours as we made our way back to Columbus. (Dreams do come true.) Lastly, this complete recording of a performance by the group I’m With Her for WGBH in Boston from 2019 should brighten your day. Enjoy!

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Peace & Love,

Figure It Out

This essay was sparked when I listened to a recent interview of famed investor Chris Sacca by Tim Ferriss. (FYI - Chris’s vocabulary is frequently spiced with the “F” word. If that’s an issue for you, perhaps don’t listen to the interview.)

I really appreciate Sacca’s viewpoint - both in this interview and others I have listened to over the years. Despite his financial success, he strikes me as a person well-grounded in many of the values that I also hold. The key thing that I was reminded of by this interview was just how different my childhood was from that of my children. I was pretty feral in comparison.

Somehow I had forgotten how many miles I put on my 10-speed bike, riding to friends’ homes that were many miles from my own. I was reminded of the tree houses my friends and I erected on property that wasn’t ours, spending entire days 20 or 30 feet off of the ground, playing imaginary games and talking about everything imaginable. It was a much less structured existence - one where I had to fill the vacuum without the internet offering endless distraction. Things could go sideways, in a Lord Of The Flies kind of way back then. Arguments would arise, and we would have to hash it out, both verbally and sometimes physically. In those moments, we were on our own. There was just a general understanding with my mom that I should return home some time around sundown. But this was about the only rule governing my days.

This is not to suggest that I wish my childhood experience was simply cut-and-pasted onto my childrens’ lives. I recognize that there were probably predatory people taking advantage of youngsters back in those days. But getting into (and out of) jams, navigating personal conflict or friction is a skill that can only be developed through engagement.

Sacca is right that today’s youth are rarely put in a situation where they have to figure things out. So if you have kids today, I encourage you to allow them to meander into such situations sometimes. It will do them good. When they leave the protective bubble of your home and its surrounding community, they will find themselves in weird situations. Microdosing on weirdness will help prepare them to live in the broader world.

If Artificial Intelligence is as disruptive a technological change as many predict, we all are going to have to strengthen our “figure it out” muscles. Change is coming, at increasingly faster speeds. One specific example worth considering: I have heard many predictions that AI is going to drastically reduce the need for lawyers. How do we maintain a solid roster of experienced attorneys if much of entry-level legal work is automated away by AI? This same basic issue appears to exist in the realm of software engineering too.

There is an answer, but we might only discover it by wrestling with the new reality when it arrives. So I hope we all have developed our “figure it out” skills. We are probably going to need them more than ever.

SUNDAY SUPPER

I made some great Beef Broth this past week, using bones purchased from the Copia Farm self-serve market. I froze some of it, using the rest to make a pitch-perfect French Onion Soup. You can make some today, if you use store-bought broth. This Broccoli-Quinoa Soup w/ Turmeric & Ginger looks yummy, as do these Braised Greens with Andouille.

SUNDAY MUSIC

This concert by the Avishai Cohen Trio is just wonderful. This performance by Bilal at the NPR Tiny Desk is super-groovy, too. Enjoy!

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Peace & Love,

Acceptance & Agreement

I turned 56 this past week. I was with my EO Forum group in Dallas, where we were all setting our intentions for the year ahead and discussing ways that we can support each other. I’m so fortunate to be surrounded by these people who help me think clearer and with more ambition than I would on my own.

I’m also so very lucky to have Lori as my partner. We made it to Chapman’s Eat Market last night for dinner, and checked out Cobra Bar for a nightcap. Both were top-notch. We were probably the oldest people at Cobra Bar, but it was good to know that I still know what the “it” place to hang out in Columbus is.

In his Letter from Birmingham Jail, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. wrote, "We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny." This fundamental observation highlights a crucial distinction that is often missed: the difference between acceptance and agreement. While agreement implies alignment of values and beliefs, acceptance represents something far more essential to human coexistence – the recognition of our shared humanity and interconnected fate, regardless of our differences.

Dr. King demonstrated this principle throughout his life. He did not agree with the systems of segregation and discrimination that pervaded American society, yet he accepted the humanity of the people who upheld those systems. This acceptance manifested not as passive resignation but as active engagement with those he opposed. King's nonviolent philosophy required accepting the reality of one's opponents while also working to transform their hearts and minds.

This distinction between acceptance and agreement becomes particularly important in our increasingly polarized society. If we confuse these concepts, we can fall into the trap of believing that accepting others' existence and humanity somehow compromises our own values. This misconception leads to ideological isolation, which reduces our capacity for growth and understanding.

Dr. King's philosophy suggests that acceptance is actually a strength rather than a weakness. By accepting the humanity of those who opposed him, he maintained the moral high ground while creating space for dialogue and transformation. This approach required tremendous courage – the courage to face one's opponents without dehumanizing them, to acknowledge their existence while challenging their actions.

With Donald Trump’s second inauguration occurring on the national holiday celebrating Dr. King’s life, the difference between acceptance and agreement glows brightly in my mind.

SUNDAY SUPPER

Today I’m going to make a big batch of this Cola-Braised Beef with Chile-Lime Onions, along with this Potato Pavé with Parmesan Crust. I’ll pair them with some roasted cauliflower and a green salad to round things out. This should carry us empty-nesters pretty far into the week, dietarily.

SUNDAY MUSIC

This set by Jason Isbell and Sadler Vaden at KEXP is fantastic. If you’re looking for something more upbeat to do your Sunday chores to, these Classic House Grooves will keep you moving. Enjoy!

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Peace & Love,

Safety Net

Yesterday began with a 2-hour job of shoveling the snow off the driveway.  Thankfully the weather didn’t prevent me from visiting Ghostwriter Public House Friday night.  It was their re-opening after taking a brief pause to re-imagine certain aspects of their operation.  The menu is now much simpler, and more affordable, but still with the same high quality that we have come to expect from them (don’t worry, the cheese curds are still on it).  The Hawthorne Smashburger that I had was outstanding, accompanied by crispy shoestring fries, seasoned with rosemary imbued salt and parmesan cheese and a crisp dill pickle spear. I think it is a significant upgrade to the burger that was previously on the menu, and look forward to trying other menu items soon.

Visually, the biggest change to the space was the addition of some small billiards tables that are for playing a classic old arcade game called Trifle.  Think of it as a billiards version of cornhole - each player has four balls per round to try and score points, which accumulate.  The first player to reach or exceed 100 points wins.  Ghostwriter v2.0 has moved closer toward what I think of when I think of a “Public House” - a great public venue to spend time with friends.  As always, the cocktail program is full of interesting and well-executed libations.

One last restaurant note: Lori alerted me to a new pizza place that rocked our world Saturday - it is called Dola Jeans, and they serve very well-conceived Detroit-style pies. If you ever had pizza from Pizza Nerds when they were located in Newark, Dola Jeans is similar, but more elevated in sophistication. It’s in Dover (Tuscarawas county), so if you ever find yourself in that part of the world I encourage you to check them out.

The news of the wildfires coming out of southern California this week has meshed with a number of other risk-management issues that I have been mulling over, both directly and indirectly these past few weeks.  One dimension of the story is that many of the homes that have been lost are large, expensive homes that enjoyed ocean views and were owned by many famous people.  Certainly these are people of means who will be able to return to comfortable circumstances relatively soon - but this doesn’t make it less of a tragedy to me.  Lost family heirlooms mean just as much to them as they would to me.

It made me think that I should re-evaluate our home insurance.  I suspect that our coverage is sufficient to satisfy the bank that holds our mortgage, but I doubt that it would fund a full restoration of what I think of as our “home.” Perhaps some policy changes are in order.

Some parts of the country have become really hard to insure.  Whether due to climate change, or regulatory wrinkles that make it harder for insurers to price policies that properly reflect their revised understanding of risk, in some places there are no rational options available.  Maybe this means that we shouldn’t build homes in certain areas - or perhaps one must be wealthy enough to bear the risks of losing such structures solely on one’s own.

The concept of insurance is neatly summed up by the phrase “A burden shared is lightly borne.”  If we all share a similar level of risk, we should be able to pool our resources and mathematically cover the costs of recovery for anyone in the payment pool who suffers a loss.  But it is not feasible to cover every conceivable scenario.  We cannot insure our way out of all possible losses.

Life is a marathon for most of us - and we don’t know where the finish line is.  Nor do we know how we will cross that finish line, limping, crawling, or blazing through the tape with a full head of steam.  How we exit the stage matters greatly in terms of finances.  We have seen loved ones languish, requiring lots of care and attention at the end, while others have gone via an “Irish Exit,” leaving quickly when no one was looking.

If we can’t buy insurance to cover every conceivable scenario, what then?  I think the only safety net is faith.  Faith in our individual ability to adjust to changing circumstances.  Faith in our community to be there for us should we need them.  For some, faith in a higher power offers peace of mind.  The comedian Bill Burr may have nailed it when he said “You’re gonna be fine.  And even if you’re not gonna be fine, isn’t it better to just exist thinking you’re gonna be fine until it’s not fine?  And then when it’s not fine, you can just handle it then.  There’s no sense to ruin right now, right?”

Backpacking (something I look forward to doing in the year ahead) has offered the most tangible evidence to me for how little I actually need.  Some food, clean water, shelter for the elements…I can be quite content with just these things, for quite a while.

It’s perfectly reasonable to scan the horizon for preventable problems.  But once you’ve done your due diligence and taken whatever action you can take to address the issues, live your life and try to enjoy each moment as it arises.

SUNDAY SUPPER

These recipes look like a great way to start the chilly week ahead.  This Kale Soup with Potatoes and Sausage should cure whatever ails you and warm you up tonight.  This vegetarian Mushroom & Sun-dried Tomato Farrotto looks just as comforting.  Or perhaps try this Salmon Bowl concept from Matty Matheson, best known for his role on The Bear (FYI - the video does have some salty language).

SUNDAY MUSIC

This concert by Kamasi Washington at the NPR Tiny Desk swings very hard.  If you’d prefer something a little more chill and smooth on a Sunday morning, multi-instrumentalist Coulou may be right up your alley.  Enjoy!

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Have a great week ahead!  Offer support to others.  Make good use of this day.  And let me know how I can help.

Peace & Love,

Default Thriving

One of my children returned to his town yesterday, with the other leaving for his college home tomorrow, or as soon as this snow storm allows him to hit the road.  The holidays are over.  Even though we kept things relatively simple, I did not partake in hardly any lazy, sipping-hot-cocoa-while-reading-a-book sessions, and for that I am sorely regretful.  Nor did I tie down all of the loose ends that I typically try to tie down at the end of year (bookkeeping stuff, purging and reorganizing my office space and closet…the things that signal a reset for a new year.  I may get some of these done today, but it feels like I’m riding a freight train into Monday.  Not every Christmas involves kalsarikännit, sadly…

The traditional pork and sauerkraut meal went off without a hitch.  I think that Lori might be able to produce it blindfolded, given a few minutes to place all of the ingredients on the counter before covering her eyes.

A phrase that I have heard out of Silicon Valley leaders that I’ve been thinking about lately is “default dead.”  This is the status of any new tech startup - it’s default status is nonviable.  The world hasn’t asked for it to be created, and it is not generating enough revenue to sustain itself (if any).  But the founders have an idea that they think the world will embrace once it is revealed.  So they work themselves ragged trying to transcend this default dead status, testing their assumptions, making early versions of their product, getting customer feedback and iterating as fast as possible - a feverish sprint to come alive before they are swallowed up by default death.  Or at least some sort of not-dead status.

It’s a harsh term, but evocative.  It asks “Why do YOU deserve to be around? What good are you?”  As humans age out of childhood and tiptoe into adulthood, the universe basically asks them the same question.  What are you doing here, anyway?

It’s not an easy question to answer.  Answering it well requires a fair amount of self-awareness.  We need to know what we like, what we are reasonably good at.  Or at least something at which we could see ourselves enjoying the journey of gaining skill.  Landing on the right thing often involves a fair bit of luck.  A good professor who inspires our interest, a cute fellow student opting for a particular class, or some other bit of randomness that piques our interest.

The goal of course is to be better than not-dead.  It is to thrive.  It is to put ourselves in position to build the kind of life we desire, to make a contribution to the world that lights us up.  As a young adult, I can say with certainty that I was too focused on building my life.  I encourage all young adults to spend more time than I did thinking outwardly rather than inward at own selfish interests. Think hard about the contribution they wish to make to others.  In my experience it became far easier to build the life of my dreams when I shifted my focus in this way.  I understand that this might feel like a very roundabout way of getting what we want, but it is probably the most efficient way of living a great life.

Become less transactional.  Don’t worry about what the immediate payback for a helpful act might be.  Just give.  Be helpful.  It all comes out in the wash.  And if some omniscient bookkeeper notices that the ledger doesn’t balance out even-steven, I promise you will not notice or care.  In addition to good things coming back to you when you adopt a more helpful posture in the world, you will find intrinsic joy in more and more of your daily activities.  Life becomes a virtuous cycle of being helpful and then, lo and behold, helpful things falling out of the sky to benefit you, seemingly in random fashion.

Gary Vaynerchuck very much believes in this.  I have heard him speak of always wanting any deal he enters into to benefit the other party slightly more than it benefits him.  He also coined a phrase:  Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook.  (The “jabs” are selfless acts, followed by the occasional request for help from your network.)

As I think about the outcomes I’m trying to generate this year, I’m primarily thinking about what I can give to the world, such that these outcomes become easier, if not inevitable.

Sunday Supper

One of the reasons I didn’t have more down time over the holidays was my conscious choice to cook a lot of good food for my family while we were all gathered under one roof.  I made this Cheesy Wild Rice & Chicken Soup yesterday, and loved it.  (I also added mushrooms, which are not in the recipe.  Yes, it has Velveeta in it - it works!).  This Salt & Vinegar Baked Fish and Chips was well-received on Friday.  And this Labneh Tuna Salad is my plan for tonight.

Sunday Music

This recent Waxahatchee concert at the NPR Tiny Desk is a very pleasant way to start your Sunday. Enjoy!

If you know anyone who might like this essay, please share it with them. 

Have a great week ahead!  Offer support to others.  Make good use of this day.  And let me know how I can help.

Peace & Love,

Wrapping It Up

Well, that was interesting.  This year came and went in the blink of an eye it seems.  I like to take some time and reflect on the prior year over the holidays.  Reflection has served me well.  I’m not interested in sharing how many times I made it to the gym, or how many books I read - but I do take note of these things.  Maybe you keep tabs on your own list of things.

A year is made up of 365 days (366 this year).  I’m pleased with how many of them I used with intention, focus and energy.  Each of those days is made up of subunits…whether we call them “hours,” “minutes,” “seconds,” they really all boil down to moments.  I did a solid job of being present and intentional, moment-to-moment, this past year.

I have spent enough time worrying about future troubles, and fretting about past mistakes to recognize how many moments I have squandered in my life.  2024 is the year where I not only recognized this for the waste that it is, but managed to meaningfully change my behavior.  I enjoyed myself quite a lot as a result.  The highs were perhaps not quite as a high, but there were very few lows.

In the days ahead I have more to do to button down the year, and set my intentions for 2025.  We never know how many days we have left.  With each passing year I take more seriously how I use every moment.  For mundane tasks, I am ruthlessly efficient.  Then I try to savor the good stuff.  Semi-tangential, but everyone should check out The Nokbox.  Trust me, this is time well-spent - for you and your loved ones.

As I was driving around yesterday, wearing a tee shirt with the windows down on a 63-degree December day, I thought to myself “Wow, this feels really weird.”  Then I put on some sunscreen and went about the rest of my day.

One thing that I try to do at the end of each year is to review any automated, recurring expenses (from things like subscriptions) to see if I should cancel any of them.  This year I have decided to cancel my subscription to MailChimp, the service I have been using to send many of you these weekly essays.  I’m not going to stop writing them, I’m just not going to pay MailChimp to send them to you.  For the past year I’ve been posting the essays to my personal blog, at this address: (https://www.nealbell.com/blog), and I will continue to post them there.  

If you feel like you may need a weekly reminder to stay in the habit of reading this weekly essay, here is what I propose:  Set a recurring calendar reminder for Sundays at 8:30am, saying “Check out Neal’s weekly essay at www.nealbell.com/blog".  This has been my weekly publishing time for many years.  It is a hard-wired habit for me, and will continue indefinitely.  So, this is not goodbye - just a renegotiation of how you will access the essays.  I hope I don’t lose too many folks in this transition.

Sunday Supper
I made each and every comfort food dish that I shared last week.  It was fun, delicious, and exactly what I wanted to share with my family in the days leading up to Christmas.  This week we will be enjoying the one and only standing menu that we repeat each and every year - the classic Pork & Sauerkraut dinner.  I’ve detailed it in the past, so will not repeat it this week.  I love it, though.  Super great meal.  Here are some recipe ideas to explore as we transition into the New Year, post whatever indulgences you enjoy between now and Wednesday:  One Pot Chicken & Rice w/ Caramelized Lemon, Cashew Chicken Ding, and Sticky Miso Salmon Bowl.

Sunday Music
This Sunday I offer you this wonderful concert by the Brad Mehldau Trio performed earlier this Fall.  Enjoy!  

If you know anyone who might like this essay, please share it with them. 

Have a great week ahead!  Offer support to others.  Make good use of this day.  And let me know how I can help.

Peace & Love,

Got To / Get To

I just wrapped up the last demanding week of the year, and am looking forward to slowing down and savoring time with my family for the next two weeks.  Yesterday I drove all over Central Ohio running various holiday errands, then took a nap so that I could watch the Ohio State football game (it sure got cold up on old Rocky Top last night).

This morning starts with brunch with dear friends, then I’m going to make Pork Chile Verde and light a fire in the backyard. Some warm stew + these bourbon hot toddies sounds really good to me right now.

I’m looking forward to having some time to reflect on this year, and decide what I’m going to change in the year ahead. Not New Year’s resolutions, but actual plans that get done. 

This year’s plan was executed very well. I am loving the work I’ve been doing as an EOS Implementer, and look forward to doing more of it in the year ahead. I weigh 14 lbs less than I started the year. I expect to slim down a little more, but my default diet habits are serving me very well. I’ve never slept better, or drank less alcohol (this is probably related). I don’t foresee becoming a teetotaler, but less is definitely more for me when it comes to alcohol.

One thing I’m certain of is that I’m going to spend at least one week hiking the Appalachian Trail in 2025. It’s been too long since I’ve done this.

This Instagram video caught my eye recently. It’s a great reminder that we all have agency, and the value in owning our experience. Switching an “I’ve got to” statement with a version that starts with “I get to…” is a great habit to develop.  Most of my "problems" are challenges only fortunate people face.  I'm glad I get to take them on.   Every path in life has costs - personal sacrifice, paths not taken, judgment of other people. Reminding ourselves that this is the path we have chosen puts these costs in perspective. We can’t do everything, but we can make sure that we care about the things that we choose to do.

In some ways, I rediscovered what lights me up this year. So, let’s do more of that, and keep refining things to maximize the experience of being a fully engaged human on planet Earth. 

Wishing you warmth, spice, togetherness and strong sense of purpose in the weeks ahead.

Sunday Supper
With the kids home, I'm very much thinking of larger format comfort food classics right now.  These Chicken Pot Pies look amazing.  I'm making something like this Sunday Sauce from Michael Symon on Christmas Day, pairing it with a range of raviolis made by Carfagna's.  I'm also going to make an Olive Garden-type salad, probably chopping it up finely, more akin to a Lebanese Tabouli than a leafy green salad.

Sunday Music
This Sunday I'm feeling very Pat Methenyish.  This collaboration with Polish singer Anna Maria Jopek is fantastic, as is this cover of Sting's song Fragile with a different ensemble.  This performance of Shadow Dance with Herbie Hancock, Jack DeJohnette, and Dave Holland is incredible.  And lastly, this song from the amazing Orchestrion Project, where Metheny programmed all of the accompaniments to his playing, player piano-style.  Enjoy! 

If you know anyone who might like this essay, please share it with them. 

Have a great week ahead!  Offer support to others.  Make good use of this day.  And let me know how I can help.

Peace & Love,