Enter The Danger

This headline in the New York Times this past week struck me: “The Best Sex Advice Might Also Be The Hardest To Follow.  Some couples would rather get divorced than talk openly about their intimate lives.”  Here is a link to the article.

The starkness of the statement, and the fact that I found it unsurprising were both noteworthy.  My first thought after reading it was “If long-term loving couples can’t talk about sensitive topics, what hope do leadership teams in businesses have?”

Some keys to organizational health that we promote as EOS Implementers are Openness, Honesty, and Vulnerability.  Real people, talking about real things that really matter.  Our work often involves creating a more secure context within which these sensitive conversations can take place (sometimes for the first time).

In the Times article, a therapist named Cyndi Darnell is quoted as saying “talking about sex is awkward - which is especially true if you’ve spent months or years avoiding it.”  EOS Implementers are trained to “enter the danger,” to recognize the things in the session room that are going unsaid, and help clients examine sensitive topics.  As fraught as this can feel, these are the conversations that often yield great value.  Successfully engaging in sensitive discussions and safely coming out the other side of them builds a capability that exists in too few business teams.  The team that can discuss anything is a team to be reckoned with.

Again referencing the article, therapist Jeffrey Chernin says “One of the things I often say to couples who are having trouble is:  ‘I wish there was another way through this,’” he said.  “But the only way I know to have a better sex life, or to resume your sex life, is to discuss it.”  As Ryan Holiday so aptly puts it:  The only way out, is through.  In order to have the lives and businesses that we want, we have to explore awkward, personal, and sensitive topics sometimes.

A first step that is always available to us is to put ourselves out there, modeling the behavior that we wish to see from others.  To take full ownership of our experiences, and be willing to say “This isn’t working for me, here is what I think I need.  What do you think about this?  How does it make you feel?”

So often we get wrapped around our own axles.  Delaying and deferring the sensitive conversation only compounds the awkwardness of it when it can no longer be avoided.  But once we actually engage with the issues, there is great relief and growth to be enjoyed on the other side of these conversations.

So, enter the danger.  It will likely not be as bad as you fear.  And it has the potential to strengthen the relationships of those involved.

Sunday Supper
Some ideas to consider for Memorial Day cookouts - this Michelada Chicken looks yummy, as do these Memphis Dry-Rub Ribs.  This Creamy Cucumber Salad would pair well with each, as would this Snap Pea Salad w/ Mint and Tahini-Harissa dressing.  For a sweet finish, it’s hard to beat Lemon Bars, or these Grill-Baked Smoked Ancho Chile Skillet Brownies.

Sunday Music
Singer/songwriter Maggie Rogers was interviewed on Fresh Air this week.  What a lovely, creative person.  Here is a recent performance she gave on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, and another on BBC Radio.  Lastly, here she is performing in 2018 on Saturday Night Live.  Enjoy!

If you know anyone who might like this essay, please send it to them. 

Have a great week ahead!  Offer support to others.  Make good use of this day.  And let me know how I can help.

Peace & Love,