School Of Pain

I just wrapped up an intense, but very positive week of full engagement.  The gratitude that I feel is perfect for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. 

This time last year, I knew that I would be embarking on the EOS journey, but I didn’t know exactly what it would entail.  Now I know - and am pleased to report that I am very much on the right path that I was envisioning.  It feels good to type those words.  It’s been a lot of work to gain this certainty, and more work still to fully realize my potential as a coach/facilitator/teacher to entrepreneurs and their leadership teams.  But I’m off to a good start, and know that I can be very good at this work I’m pursuing.

It’s from this position of earned certainty that I’ve been reflecting on some of the lower points in my life.  The meta lesson from all of life’s adverse events (random or self-inflicted): Lessons learned from adversity really stick around. 

This stems from our evolutionary heritage. We're simultaneously equipped with a powerful drive to avoid anything that might lead to failure (survival instinct) and an equally powerful capacity to learn deeply from our mistakes (adaptation). This is why failure feels so terrible in the moment - it's supposed to. But it also explains why those lessons stick with us so permanently. We're literally wired to learn most deeply from our most painful experiences.

That’s quite a paradox - we do everything we can to avoid the embarrassment and costs of failure, but when it occurs (and it will occur to all of us) there is a massive learning opportunity.  

Switching as quickly as possible from self-pity or grief to curiosity is a tall order - but I encourage you to make this transition as fast as you can.  There is nothing to be gained by wallowing around in negative self-talk, wish-casting, woulda-coulda-shouldaing.

When things absolutely fall to shit, asking ourselves why this happened, and how we will choose to move forward is absolutely critical.  I nibbled around this in my post Bounce Back at the beginning of the year, but I’m feeling it again today, with a different kind of clarity.  How often have you felt “Man, I wish I had done X sooner…”. I’ve felt this too.  But I’m also mindful of moving forward too quickly, without soaking up all the lessons from my missteps. 

As a parent I sometimes worry that I didn’t expose our children to enough adversity.  Building that bounce-back muscle is really important.  Heaven knows the universe is going to test us all.  No matter how well-prepared we may be, it has a knack for throwing us unanticipated curveballs.  By definition, if we had anticipated something, it wouldn’t be able to deliver as powerful a lesson.

There’s a silver lining in all the unwanted circumstances in life.  We’d never seek them out, but they end up shaping us into more powerful versions of ourselves.  Maybe they reveal us, stripping back the artifice.

When pain wants to teach you a lesson, make sure to take good notes.

But this week is all about gratitude.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday Supper
As family rolls in, lean on recipes that are both simple and can feed a crowd.  This King Ranch Casserole fits the bill, as does this Polish Hunter’s Stew.  For something less meaty, this Korean Soft Tofu Stew looks hearty and soothing.

Sunday Music
This Sunday I offer this tribute to the late, great Quincy Jones who left us recently.  Enjoy!  (FYI - for some reason the audio doesn’t kick in until about one minute into the video.)

If you know anyone who might like this essay, please share it with them. 

Have a great week ahead!  Offer support to others.  Make good use of this day.  And let me know how I can help.

Peace & Love,